We Are Stardust

I know where women began
As gods,
As prey not of men 
But of stars

We start at her beginning
So small, like tiny particles adrift in the cosmos
With every horror, she splits into another thousand pieces
Making her smaller in each devastation
Until her center is so tiny that she implodes 
Like snowfall in a storm of creation 
Giving birth to the stars 
A millennia of light 
Her little specks of fire trailing 
Scaling the universe
Painting streaks of blood upon the moon

This is a woman 
Both red and bright 
Splitting all of time and space into fragments 
Giving goddess, god-like,
Woman of the night.

cover art by Vera van den Berg

This Heaven

Featured artwork @Patryk Garrett

Tears tip past midnight
Brightness hangs at noon
His darkness looms
But anything he offers me,
I want to consume.

His strong arms form the stars
Crisp, like fairy leaves in a storm
More beautiful than daylight,
But fragile as the day I was born.

With a song and dance that will never play
This heaven upholds a piece of my pain
Under sheets and shadows,
His kiss promised beneath the rain.

I’ve only ever wanted one thing for myself
And I want to show you his name
Here lies that girl from the woods,
With a wolf’s heart to tame.

Heaven holds a sense of grief
Hands full of desire
All unwanted promises and pleasures,
Will hereto break the fire.

The Moon King’s Castle

A few years ago, I was just about done with planning my return trip to Europe when an acquaintance mentioned a castle tucked somewhere in the mountains of Bavaria. She had me at ‘castle’, but what really intrigued me was the fact that it was the castle Walt Disney had Sleeping Beauty’s castle modeled after. That was it for me! The palace of my little girl dreams. Immediately, the cogs of my imagination began to click and turn. I could walk its halls and fancy grounds. Stand in awe of its magic. Revel in the decadent lifestyle of its ghosts, all the while picturing myself as a blushing bride of that time period. But there was one problem.

The castle was in Germany.

landscape

(countryside of Bavaria from the train)

So I went back to my meticulously detailed itinerary, all thirteen days of it, and wondered how anyone could throw away ideas like the ruins of the Roman Forum, the glitz of the Champs Elysees, or the might of the Tower of London. Truthfully, Germany never really crossed my mind as somewhere I would really enjoy seeing. But I was determined not to miss this opportunity since my thought has always been: ‘when, if ever, will I be back to Europe?’ So I cut a night here and another there and was able to put aside at least a day and a half in Munich, the closest major city to this fairy tale dream, Neuschwanstein Castle.

How To Get There

Flying into Memmingen Airport was the second leg of the trip. It’s a small airport known mostly to low budget airlines like RyanAir, and is about an hour from city centre. There is a train that will take you from the airport into the city’s main hub station Hauptbahnhof for cheap, I would say about 8€ or so for a single ticket.

With less than two days in Munich, there was no time to waste. Even though I had lost a bag along the way, the lovely concierge at the Westin Grand Munich had offered to sacrifice themselves to the airline gods to try and track it down so I could enjoy the next to evenings with a bit more ease.

With nearly no knowledge of the city and zero of the language, I figured the best option to see my dream castle was to book a guided tour through Viator. So my trip was going to be pleasantly hands free. There’s never a missed step with Viator. We met as a group within the train station. We were able to meet our guide, mingle with others in the group or go to the convenience shop just next to us to stock up on bags and bags of Haribo gummy bears and a couple magazines for the train ride.

train to Fussen

The Epic Tale

The train took us into Fussen, an adorably quaint Bavarian town northwest of Neuschwanstein. Surprisingly, this romantic castle was built much closer to our century compared to other Gothic structures in Europe. Work on Neuschwanstein began in 1869. King Ludwig II spent nearly all his personal wealth, and that of the royal family for the building of the castle. Inspired by Richard Wagner’s romantic operas as well as a visit to Warburg Castle in Eisenach, Ludwig was determined to recreate the whimsy he had experienced. So determined, in fact, that the public opinion of him was that he’d lost his damn mind.

NS 1 faraway

The circumstances of his death were and still are a mystery. The doctor whom had been tending to Ludwig’s seemingly delicate mental health was last seen going for a walk along Lake Starnberg with the king at approximately 6:30 P.M. on June 13, 1886. They were declared missing just after 8:00 P.M. After a two hour search in the pouring rain, their bodies were found upturned in the lake. Autopsy ruled Ludwig’s death as a suicide by drowning. Want to know the strangest part? No water was found in his lungs, not to mention he was quite the swimmer. Stranger still, Ludwig’s watch had stopped at 6:54, which would suggest he had drowned when we know he likely died by some other means. So many more eerie details here but I can’t traverse them all on this post. I encourage any interested persons to do some research and share thoughts in the comments.

Portrait of Louis II, King of Bavaria

(Portrait of King Ludwig II)

What I found really interesting about the building of Neuschwanstein were the modern advances, quite a bit ahead of its time. It had a working pipe system! And get this, central air. So you’re saying running water and A/C in a hilltop castle?…I mean, teleport me back to the late 1800’s Bavaria and I promise I will find a way to marry this Ludwig guy (even though he was rumored to be for the other team). The good, possibly crazy ones are always taken, haha.

A Couple of My Favorite Things

  • The walk up to the castle’s entrance.

I loathe to admit this as one of my faves since it involves physical exertion. The tour guide gave the group the option of walking the main road among the horse-drawn carriages (probably not too expensive but the alternative is dodging a trail of horse doo), ride the shuttle (for a nominal fee, but ridiculously long queue), or hiking a narrow trail through the surrounding forest. While the latter sounds adventurous, I pondered the potential of getting lost in a dense forest alone and without cell service. So I joined the tour guide and others on the main poopy road. In hindsight, I should have taken the trail, it would have been epic. The best part of the journey up was the view. Absolutely one of the most gorgeous views I have ever witnessed. Also, despite my phobia of heights, I bravely crossed a roped wooden bridge over a heart-stopping gorge. What can I say? I had a castle waiting for me, it was destiny and so I could cowboy’d up.

  • The throne hall.

As we know, Ludwig ran out of money and supposedly drowned in 1886, so much of the castle is still unfinished and unfurnished to this day. But this particular spot is still stunning. The altar shines like marble. Pillars line the sides of the hall with golden crowns that hold up sharp arches underneath a grand chandelier. Everything is just so decadent.

  • The king’s bedroom.

The extravagance of the furniture here will astonish you. Do yourself the honor of standing in this room and admiring the delicate wood carvings everywhere. Notice the bottom end of the bed. The carving there depicts the resurrection of Christ, a fitting symbol between sleep and death.

ludwig bedroom

  • The grotto.

Have you ever heard of a cave in a castle? Ludwig had a vision of the cave in Wagner’s Tannhauser Saga and wanted a grotto built into the royal residence. It doesn’t get more magical than that.

The Indelible 

            You ever feel so present in the moment, so deep in your own story that the outside world melts away and you are left in the scent of pure romance? Some people pay upwards of $30,000 for such a day, but even then it’s simulated. This was different. The history and romance were not just implied in this place. All the epic stories here were tangible. I stood in the reverent mountains and kneeled at a dais of gold and filigree. Nothing compares.

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The Epichronicler

J. R. Wallington on Instagram

When I Wake Up With You

Image by NanoMortis “Holding For So Long”

When I wake up with you
I wonder if I’ll love a thousand boys before I die
First the boy who is sweet
The next boy that corrupts
The third boy who is beautiful
The last boy that destroys
Who will you be
And how will I die

When I wake up to you
I wonder if it will be the last time I cry
First when a love left
Second when a love left
Third when I realized I was the only one left
Where will you abandon me
And how will I die

When I am with you
I wonder if I’ll ever feel safe in your arms
As I did with my brothers
As I do with my friends
As I used to with him
When will I let you hold me
And how will I die

When I am me
I wonder if you know the kind of person I am
This girl that holds onto words like treasure
The girl who loves quite deeply
That girl who is an unbeliever of magic
Why can’t I stop destroying ‘us’
And how will I die